Baby, Daughter, Person: Week 23

Don’t be jealous of our fashion. Or, our wheels 😉 Circa 1990-1991-ish?

Okay, I admit I kinda sorta have been thinking about how I could showcase this rad picture in a blog post ever since my mom sent it my way a few weeks ago, but as I was scrolling through images recently, I realized that the story I wanted to share today was one that basically was already written in my head.

We have known now, for a little over a month now, that Baby M is a female. It’s so easy to think, then, of the fun, cute aspects of having a baby girl – from the cute clothes and pretty nursery decorations, to her potential name, but what’s been bouncing around my head more recently has been a lot more deep and thoughtful.

You see, I have long found it interesting how many couples seem to think about having a baby as JUST having a baby. A crying, peeing, pooping little human – unable to care for themselves. This helpless, tiny, beautiful thing – and that’s it. But – that’s not it. Choosing to bring another life into this world – whether it’s through childbirth, fostering, adoption – means bringing another PERSON into it.

Yes, I know it sounds like premature thinking, but it’s true. From the moment I realized I was pregnant, I have been examining myself as a person, and as a person about to become a parent. Who am I? What will my child see when they gaze into my eyes? What is my legacy? How do I share that?

Adding to the mix…our Baby M – our daughter – that brings more joy, of course, but challenges, too. Life is sweet as a female – I mean, I quite enjoy it myself – but I believe, as a the years go on, it’s harder. There are so many choices to make, so many things to learn, and things to discover. As parents, it’s our job to instill certain values and belief systems, but to also know when to let our children make mistakes – to feel disappointment, and to understand why the world the way it is, even if we don’t know ourselves.

As we move closer to meeting our little girl, I am thinking beyond what she might look like, or how she might sound the first time I hear her cry. I am thinking about my heart, and how she already has it – and maybe that’s all that really matters, anyway.


  1. Krissy. I think I am merely a few weeks ahead of you and we are also having a girl. And these same thoughts have crossed my mind as well. What kind of person am I? Am I capable of effectively raising tomorrow’s future and not completely jacking it up? I was scared to have a girl because while it can be easy, in my field, it has been challenging. Top it off with the fright that she might be a little mini me (literally) and I am blown over by the thought…

    anyway, point being, these thoughts are completely natural and normal. and i heart you and i am here to talk if you need someone, cause chances are I am thinking similar thoughts!

    • Thank you, B. I am so lucky to have you to share this journey with, too. Can’t wait til we get our families together ❤

  2. I completely understand why you’re suddenly thinking in those terms. I had a daughter first and though I was excited for all things princess and pink (I know, so cliche), I was scared to death. I personally struggle with an eating disorder and body image issues and all I could think of was how I was going to prevent her from feeling/thinking the way I do. This still gnaws my brain. Along with that comes the memories of how I was raised/treated and knowing how and why I want to instill certain values in her.

    Raising a person is daunting. We don’t want to “screw them up” with our parenting. With how much is out there in the world (and Internet) on how to “parent correctly” to raise a stable child, any little mistake makes you feel like a screw up. My best advice? Don’t overthink or criticize yourself so much. Go with your gut. When they’re older, talk to them about values/topics that are important to you. Be open. As the mother of a now 3-year-old, I’ve come to learn that I’m not perfect and neither are other moms on the web. We don’t see the whole story. I just try to do my best and be a good example for her. I know I must be doing something right because she’s happy, well-behaved, and even sharing my joy of running =). Sure, she wasn’t potty-trained at 18 months and isn’t enrolled in preschool quite yet but that’s okay. She’s still flourishing and that’s what’s important.

    Sorry I kind of rambled a bit. It’s just hard for me to read about others worries because I empathize greatly with those feelings. It’s taken me a while to be okay with how I parent because everywhere else I read how I wasn’t “parenting correctly” and felt very judged by others because of things like my daughter not being potty-trained by the time she turned 3. It made me feel like a failure. I just hope that hearing some reassurance that you’re going to do just fine, even if it’s from an Internet stranger, is somewhat helpful for you =)

    • Thank you SO much for sharing – it means a WHOLE lot to hear these kinds of reassuring comments, and real-life experiences. ❤

  3. Krissy – you are a loving, caring, thoughtful person. You have being willing to take on all kinds of challenges and succeeded. You have shown both adaptability and the willingness to go the extra mile and beyond. Yes, there are many challenges to having a baby and raising her from a crying, cooing, squirming bundle of cuteness to a beautiful capable young woman. But there is absolutely no one better than you (and Eric, whom I’ve yet to meet) to care for, encourage, teach, cuddle, and love Baby M. As she will tell you herself later on, she couldn’t have a better Mom than you!

    • Rick – thank you for these kind words! And how crazy that you have yet to meet the elusive Eric. 😉 Haha! Happy Birthday and see you soon!

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