Before Abby was born, I wondered how I could love someone I had never even met yet so much – then she arrived, and she easily shattered those expectations into pieces.
Each day, I was awed and amazed at how caring for and nurturing a child could change my life so much. I had always had a soft spot for kids, but having one of my own was something I could have never prepared for, emotionally – and with each day, each challenge, each success – love only grew.
More than a year later, when it was decided upon that we’d try for another little one, I felt a mild trepidation – how could I love anyone more than I loved her? Others who had been in similar situations told me that I needn’t worry…but how?
Through the months of nausea, low energy and general icky feeling in my second pregnancy, I wished the time would move faster, yet somehow, stand still all at the same time. As you might guess – that’s not really something you can do. I savored those moments of “just us,” while working to prepare my heart (and hers) for what was next.
I worried. Would things change for the worst between us? For so long, it was just us, day in and day out, attending activities, running errands, and spending time together. Of course, there was no turning back now, so we discussed (as much as you can with a toddler, anyway) how things would change once baby arrived, and what we could do to get ourselves ready.
As the time drew nearer for our second little one to join our family, I braced myself. I knew things would change…a lot. But I was not prepared for just how much.
When Ellie arrived, I could not stop laughing. Weird reaction, I know. I still am processing this emotional response, but somehow, it could not be more perfect. Whether the laughter was from the delirious feeling of finally meeting this little one, or the joyous reaction to the sentiment of why I had been worrying so much – I just could not help but laugh.
Hours after Ellie was born, Abby and my mom came to visit us at the hospital. From the moment that Abby set her gaze upon her little sister, my fears subsided. There was this look of pure love washed upon her toddler face, and it sparked this feeling of love and pride that I had never experienced before.
In the past week, I’ve seen Abby accept her new role as a big sister wholeheartedly – offering help, extra affection, and a surprising amount of patience. And Ellie? At only 8 days old, her easygoing nature reminds me to slow down, and to savor these moments – because they will pass too soon.
I am not so ignorant to believe that this journey will not be without obstacles – after all, isn’t that what makes things more interesting? We often believe that life would be easier if it were, in fact, easier, but what would be the fun in that?
Life is never what you expect…I have found it to be so, so much sweeter.
And if you were wondering – no – you cannot measure your love from one person to another, because that assumes that there is a defined amount of love you are capable of possessing.
Good news though! The size of your heart? I’ve found that it is boundless beyond even the most wildest of imaginations – and then some.
For that, I could not be any more thankful. ❤